Can Constructive Criticism Be Kind?

My last post really got me thinking, a dangerous notion I know

There is often a very thin line between constructive criticism and pointless nasty comments. In a virtual world it is inevitable that our paths will eventually cross with trolls and keyboard warriors.

When you already have a bout of severe imposter syndrome how do you get through these interactions unscathed?

The prospect of putting something you have lovingly crafted into the public domain can be terrifying. For many we are our harshest critics already, and so having a stranger weigh in on what are likely already major insecurities can be potentially damaging to say the least.

There’s no rule book on how constructive criticism should be delivered. Nor how different individuals choose to take it.

No one likes to hear that they are bad at something, however it should be noted that some people need a very direct approach and even then, there’s a good chance they won’t listen.

So how do you avoid becoming one of those people, walking a thin line between advocating for yourself and your work, and understanding as a first-time author your best efforts may simply not be good enough?

And on the flip side, how do you deal with those who just want to tear you down for the sake of being mean. More importantly, how do you differentiate between the two categories and trust into which you fall?

The problem is, not everyone is able to accept criticism regardless of its form, whether through arrogance or ignorance. A closed mind is a dangerous one, serving no justice to the bearer. During my years in education, I would often come across teachers who did their utmost to get out of professional development and continuing education, believing they knew all they needed to know already. No matter how good you are within your chosen field there is always room for growth and development and sometimes accepting less than positive feedback from others can be a truly motivating tool, dependent upon its delivery of course.

I have read some truly horrendous drafts on the critiquing site I mentioned in my last blog. That isn’t as bitchy as it may first sound. I’m talking submissions that make no sense, are riddled with spelling and grammatical errors (I make plenty of both so trust me it takes a lot for me to judgy over that one), or are a carbon copy of an already published and well know existing tale.

I noticed that the writers of such pieces were the ones who really struggled to accept constructive criticism. The gentle approach went over their heads and the more direct approach offended and angered them.

In a world with such polar extremes of personalities, how do you strike a balance between being direct yet kind?

If you have ever watched any reality television based on talent/singing etc. you’ll know what I’m talking about. The cringeworthy auditions from people who are either taking the piss for their moment of notoriety or are just plain delusional. The judges are quite often pretty harsh in their feedback yet shockingly some people still refuse to believe their vocal abilities are anything less than that of Beyonce, despite sounding like a cat being baptized (pretty similar to what I sound like when I attempt to sing).

It took me a while to share my first few chapters with even my closest family members. I was 95% sure that they would give me honest, if not a tad sugar coated, feedback. Reaching out to other family members and close friends seemed a little too awkward. I mean how do you tell a close friend that something they worked hard on is diabolical?

I started submitting pieces of my book to review groups. Working under a username from which I was not easily identifiable certainly served as a safety net, and the great thing about the online world is that if it does all get too much you can simply log off and walk away.

The first few reviews I got were great, really positive and very helpful. But the first few unproductive derogatory comments were soul destroying. I had to weigh up if my quest to be published was really worth inviting such negativity into my life.

The first thing I did was to compare the two sets of comments and assess where the general consensus amongst the feedback fell. The positive was in the lead, but I didn’t want to necessarily dismiss all of what appeared to be unconstructive comments. After all, it’s easy to misread the tone of a typed response.

Therefore, I applied a simple set of questions to each critique:

1. Was the comment aimed at the writing or me personally? The opinion of an individual hurling personal insults was not one I cared about.

2. Was there any one specific part or area that was consistently criticized by more than one person, thus indicating an error or flaw that needed to be addressed.

3. Could the derogatory comment be considered subjective? Writing is extremely subjective, but the storyline, pace, and structure are not. The most helpful feedback I have received has focused on such areas rather than character connection or genre.

4. Did any of the comments relate to an element that could be amended?

If none of these applied, I made the decision to accept what was and move on. For the few individuals who posted really vicious and disparaging comments I drafted a fantastic and graphic go fuck yourself email, read it a few times over then deleted it, needing to rant yet knowing they truly weren’t worth my energy to argue with.

I joined a local writer’s group that I found hugely beneficial. They have been an invaluable source of support, encouragement, advice and education and will certainly be mentioned more in future blogs.

A support network of people who can share similar experiences and cheerlead for you in an objective fashion are of paramount importance. My top recommendations for first time writers starting their journey are:

- To join a local writer’s group, and don’t be afraid to try out a few to find a good fit.

- Select people who will give you honest feedback.

- Submit online but be subjective when it comes to believing.

- Don’t get offended or take it personally, if comments are personal then discard and move on.

- Rant all that you want at your screen but don’t feed the egos of those hellbent on dimming your shine.

- Use the rejection as a driving force, fueling rather than extinguishing you and your efforts.