Let’s be real, unless you have had firsthand exposure to something you can’t truly understand it with any degree of depth. Sure, we can imagine, and from that ascertain a limited measure of empathy but that’s probably about the best we can achieve.
It doesn’t matter how much a man empathizes or tries his best to comprehend the unrivalled pain of childbirth, (14 years since the birth of my last child and my vagina is still furious with me) nor does it matter how explicitly a woman describes her experience, the bottom line is he will never completely understand. Likewise, I’m sure no woman will ever fully appreciate the pain inflicted from a swift, well aimed kick to the balls.
There is no denying that drawing from a familiar scenario or set of circumstances can add authenticity to a storyline or character. Life experiences provide a unique lens through which a writer can communicate, present insights, and explore perspectives.
It should be noted that I am referring to fiction, and as such no one expects an accurate firsthand account of real-life experiences. This in itself would raise ethical concerns and possibly even have legal ramifications. For example, if a real person is identifiable from your “fictional” character.
I am talking about relying on past experiences to shape a storyline and/or character, not to write a biography.
This is where artistic license tentatively steps in. Storylines and characters can be loosely based upon what the writer has encountered in their life and often will only serve as the basis for the story. Think of it as an elaboration of real life. Characters can be a composite of multiple people. Storylines can be an assortment of various experiences viewed from one or many perspectives. The end result is an amalgamation of specific ingredients procured from reality that when blended create something fictional.
Real life experiences are what shape us. Who and what we are will therefore inevitably influence the characters we create.
By this rationale, it is assumable that firsthand experiences can and do provide inspiration, garner realistic responses, and can deliver a unique vantage point that will likely produce a greater impact and increase reader engagement.
Delving into subject matters that are emotional or traumatic can be quite cathartic, providing coping mechanisms to the writer whilst simultaneously adding to the quality and depth of the fictional characters. When you have such a valuable tool to hand, why wouldn’t you use it?
As enriching as experience and knowledge is, what shouldn’t be overlooked are the complexities of sharing and using them. We have looked at how such a degree of insight can only serve to add depth to your writing, but what about the vulnerability that then comes with this?
For example, one of the characters in the manuscript I am currently working on is caring for an elderly parent with Alzheimer’s. The character wasn’t based upon a real-life person, however I do have firsthand experience of the subject matter and that is inevitably going to permeate into my writing. I don’t necessarily see this as a negative, however by encompassing personal experiences critical comments are suddenly going to hit a little harder.
I wrote a short piece for a writing competition, the prompt for said entry was, “Do I Know You?” The piece I wrote was from my firsthand experience whilst I was still in the midst of said experience and as such when it was not selected for publication the extent of my disappointment was multiplied. I felt like I had failed myself and the person it was written about. I was surprised at the effect it had on me. It wasn’t like I was a stranger to rejection; I am more than aware that a thick skin is needed for any dealings with the virtual world, yet it hurt with a greater intensity than I had anticipated.
So how do you decide if it’s worth it? There is no one size fits all answer, it is something that only the writer themselves can decide. And if they are in the middle of a traumatic or emotional situation that makes them especially sensitive, then it is probably better not to include it in something that they plan to publish, at least not for now.
I do think if you are able to adequately prepare yourself for a possible onslaught of negativity without taking it as a personal attack then real life and real experiences are an invaluable source of knowledge, perspective and inspiration. Not using them would be doing yourself a disservice, just as long as you have taken steps to preserve your self-esteem.
And remember, there’s always the option to shut off your device, or write a therapeutic fuck you email to your disparagers, before deleting all evidence of course.