Sometimes life just sucks.
From time-to-time situations arise and, regardless of how hard you try to make something work, external forces power against you to fuck it all up. When this happens enough times, you eventually discover that everything you did, the effort you exerted and the hope you grasped at, well, in the words of Linkin Park, in the end it doesn’t even matter.
Whether in the form of a relationship breakdown, a betrayal, an abandonment, the loss of a loved one or an amalgamation of a dozen or so smaller catastrophes, we’ve all been there. And for a period at least we’ve all probably doubted we’d ever get through it.
There’s only so much you can do in an attempt to control the uncontrollable. At some point in time you have to take a step back and listen to what you are being told. And in one way or another you will be told.
Maybe the message comes directly from the universe. Maybe from the mouth or actions of another (or lack of). Either way, when you’re able to take a step back and assess, intentions and regard become apparent. As beneficial as having such knowledge and insight may be, it doesn’t change the fact that when it all goes tit’s up, it can be devastating.
But every storm runs out of rain eventually. And only after a storm do we get the clearest skies.
We all have our own unique way of dealing with these shit storms. For me I sleep less, eat less, drink more, exercise and work more.
The physical exercise aspect is simple to understand. Firstly, it provides an excellent outlet for frustration and anger, one which won’t land you in cuffs.
When you experience emotional pain or anger, your body activates the "fight or flight" response, releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones increase heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing, preparing your body for physical action. By engaging in physical activity, you can improve your mood, reduce stress, and potentially improve your outlook on the situation.
Exercise has been shown to be effective in improving mood and can be a healthy way to cope with emotional pain. Likewise, throwing yourself into work provides a form of escapism from the unpleasant reality of the circumstances.
Writing creates a channel through which one can begin to deal with the pain, anger or resentment that the state of affairs caused.
James Pennebaker, a social psychologist, conducted pioneering research on the therapeutic effects of writing, specifically "emotional writing," in 1986. His work demonstrated that writing about personal upheavals can significantly improve both physical and mental health.
Since then, over 200 research studies have concluded that emotional writing can improve a person’s physical and emotional health.
Although it may seem counterintuitive that writing about negative experiences has a positive effect, research suggests that trauma can damage brain tissue, but when people translate their emotional experience into words, they may be changing the way this trauma is organized in the brain, potentially minimizing its damaging effects.
It is reasonable to assume that what may be too painful or difficult to express out loud can be readily given a voice through writing. By confronting and articulating thoughts and feelings, you can potentially reduce the harmful effects of suppressing emotions.
In truth pain opens a door to creativity, no matter how dark that is.
Maybe being stabbed in the back hasn’t put you in exactly the mindset to work on your latest novel, especially if you’re already halfway through the task and the protagonist is a million miles away from experiencing what you’re currently going through.
If this is the case, try taking a break from your current projects and divert your attention into something different, something new.
Sequence and record what has happened. This gives you the space and freedom to examine events in a calm and methodical manner. To organize jumbled thoughts and gain focus and clarity regarding potential pathways forward. Lean into the pain instead of pulling away and steal its strength.
Remember, writing through the shittiest times of your life is not just about journaling; it's about actively processing these experiences through writing.
Don’t hate on those that hurt you. Be grateful to them for providing you with the inspiration for your next villain. For the evil bastard in your upcoming novel or the toxic nemesis of your ensuing protagonist.
Appreciate the reminder of just how strong you truly are.
And yes, I am channeling some serious Taylor and Christina vibes here. As you may have worked out, I find music extremely therapeutic, especially in times of hurt and confusion.
The biggest fuck you to those who wrong you is to actively control what they give you. To take even the most negative of experiences and produce something positive.
Above all else, never forget that you are absolutely enough. If others can’t see that, that’s their loss.